"I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't laugh... for a long time."
In a beautiful new op-ed piece with Paper Mag, Paramore's Hayley Williams has opened up about mental health in a very powerful and revealing way.
Following the release of last year's After Laughter, and the recent video for Rose-Colored Boy (a song that addresses the stigma that unfortunately surrounds depression and anxiety), Hayley has now written about the time period around the writing of the band's fifth album, as well as bassist Jeremy Davis parting ways with Paramore, and her divorce from New Found Glory's Chad Gilbert.
"I woke up from that crash with one less bandmate… another fight about money and who wrote what songs," Hayley writes. "And I had a wedding ring on, despite breaking off the engagement only months before. A lot happened within a short time. But then I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't laugh… for a long time. I'm still hesitant to call it depression. Mostly out of fear people will put it in a headline, as if depression is unique and interesting and deserves a click. Psychology is interesting. Depression is torment."
Hayley also talks about her mental headspace post-After Laughter: "This is what I call 'Life with AL' – short for After Laughter. It's a little dumb, but it helps me mark this time as a significant turning point in my life. Like a Saturn return. I'm noticing similar movement in my friends' lives too. More presence and awareness. More tenderness. I'm alive to both pain and joy now. I have my old laugh back, as my mom says. The one that takes over my body and sends me out of myself for a few seconds. And only a couple years ago, I had hoped I'd die."
It's an emotional and stirring read – check out the full piece right here.
And, while you're here, watch the video for Rose-Colored Boy:
