What is the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?
“I don’t tend to do a lot of illegal things, but there is one that sticks out. When I was entering Swedish military service, which was mandatory at the time I came of age, I did the tests and told them I wanted to be in a decent position. After the physical and mental assessment, they informed me that I could be the equivalent of a non-commissioned officer: a canine patrol platoon sergeant guarding a marine base. I thought that was a proper job and I was happy to do it.
“At the time, however, I was awaiting surgery so they couldn’t enrol me. While I was awaiting medical clearance afterwards they called me up and let slip that the position they were going to give me had been filled. They wanted to make me a Chief’s Staff Officer, or something like that instead. I started calling friends in the army, and they all told me not to take it because I’d just be the whipping-boy, boiling coffee for the professional officers. I called back and told them there were complications with the surgery and it would have to be delayed again. I lied! They were stupid enough not to check with my doctor and I never had to go.
“I’m still registered for service, so if there was an urgent need I could be called up, but I never had to take that position. If they had known at the time, I could’ve gone to jail, but it’s thankfully too long ago now [to be punished].”
What is your biggest fear?
“I do not like spiders – at all! It’s not an irrational phobia, either. My mother is from the Czech Republic and I was in Prague visiting some friends when we went to the zoo. My cousin introduced me to a friend in the spider house and he took out this big one to show me, which somehow managed to crawl down inside the collar of my t-shirt and either bit or stung me. It hurt like a motherfucker!
“Over the years, I got that fear under control, but then we toured Australia a couple of years ago and I woke up with this massive spider on my face. That freaked me out. Then, more recently, we went to Tunisia to film the music video for Seven Pillars Of Wisdom and were sleeping in tents out in the desert. Getting up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night meant marching through scorpions, spiders and cockroaches in the sand. I didn’t really have a problem with the scorpions and cockroaches, but the spiders weren’t very nice!”
What is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever eaten?
“I actually like it, but most people would consider it to be the Surströmming: the fermented/rotten herring that Swedish people are famous (or infamous) for. It smells like shit when you open the can. I’ve seen people throw up just from that, and there are a lot of YouTube videos of the same. People really can’t believe that we eat it and enjoy it, but it’s something of an acquired taste. It’s not the sort of thing that kids eat from an early age, but once or twice a year when your parents would have guests over they’d have it and would let you try a little bit. Over the years you get the taste for it!”
What is the worst job you’ve ever had?
“When you’re in middle-school in Sweden, you go out into the community to do a week or two of work experience. I ended up working at a store that shipped out fruit and vegetables to supermarkets. The first order I shipped out was two tonnes of potatoes. That sounds like a lot, but when you’re loading it in 20kg bags, it’s not that brutal. But the way they treated me was.
“It was in the middle of February, so it would have been 20 or 30 degrees below freezing outside. The trash-compactor was getting full so they told me to get outside and stomp everything down into it. I was happy to do that, but I needed a jacket to do it because I hadn’t expected to be doing that kind of work. They wouldn’t give me one of theirs because then they would get cold. I just thought ‘Fuck that!’, went over to my friend who was working in the bakery next door and ate some cinnamon buns instead.”
What happens when we die?
“I would say, first and foremost, that I have no idea. Beyond that, I reckon the answer is nothing. Zip. Nada. It’s not something I really think about at all, though. People say that getting older sucks, but I just think it’s better than the alternative!”